*REVIEW* Super Mario Galaxy for the wii.

Alright… anyone who bought a wii has probably been waiting for some good landmark titles to come out.. I know i have.. Sure i picked up metroid (haven’t had time to review it yet), but mario has been one of those titles i was looking foward too, and as the reviews started to trickle in with huge gleaming stars and 9.0+’s abound.. it was hard to figure it was a game I could possibly have any issue with…..

But you MUST remember this is picky ass gamer.. And here at picky ass gamer, we get….. well… PICKY! So when I’ll just state it now, if you’re a Nintendo fanboy, and you know who you are, you may as well go onto some other sheep-following website and read the gleaming reviews becuase I am not going to be all to kind in this review.

First of all, you know the basic story I’m sure.. Princess is kidnapped.. Bowser did it, Mario needs to find her ad nasuem..Its a tired story but it gets the job done. So you go around these levels just finding stars so you can unlock other levels. This I dont have a problem with! It is the same formula that mario 64 used and i liked mario 64.  Now i want to get to my first issue with this game… The cookie cutter (litterally) levels..

The levels are just bits and peices thrown together in an empty void.. okay so its the ‘galaxy’ theme, but it just seems like the poor easy excuse as to why they didnt do large grand enviromental levels.. Okay the wii isn’t the powerhouse of any of the other consoles, but are we still limited to this cheap kind of crap? I understand mario 64 had levels that were fairly small but that was the starting age of 3d platformers it understandable.. the cartridges themselfs were like 64 megs at best! But this is just cheap.. Levels feel COMPLETELY linear, there’s not a whole lot of ‘exploration’ on your own, you basically follow the EXACT path they want you too, and it just feels like they had people design levels at home and send them in for a contest or something, then put out this game featuring all those cheap levels.. I would much rather have prefered a solid living breathing enviroment.. Now SOMETIMES They sort of deliver on this, like the 2nd or 3rd stage with the bee.. that felt a bit more like a mario level from the 64 days, but only about the same size and such.. And these are few and far between. I jut was not impressed with the really clunky thrown together levels, and none of them really feel that fun to play or explore in my opinion. Also i really dont like every single level having this “I’m gonna fall to my death!” fear.. becuase the levels are so many ‘bits and peices just strewn together’ there’s alot more death than previous mario games in my opinion, YES there are a few occasionals where mario has a kind of ‘gravity’ above certain platforms where he’ll actually float around to the other side, but the consistancy of this kind of dissapoints me, and i just generaly dont like the ledges everywhere feel. occasionally its fine, but it got reptitive and annoying again and mostly in part to the fantasticly crappy camera system which i’m getting too.

And on exploration and moving around, lets get to another issue I have.. The camera system.. I do not like the camera at all in this mario largely becuase its mostly stationary and you cant really controll it.. They do give you some odd controll here and there, but the whole time i saw this game in screenshots and such i was kind of hoping for a camera that could be moved using wii-mote, maybe you hold down Z and it grabs the screen and you can rotate it around, or something creative which gives gamers controll.. NOPE we’d rather go for the ass-flavored ‘auto camera’ sytem which seems to think the BEST way you can navgate a 3d world is from a FAR distance as to make it seem like a 2d imagine.. I gotta tell ya nintendo, when i’m jumping from platform to platform, i dont wana view it from a straight out side angle where i cant even see my damn shadow on the platforms..  Sometimes the camera will also change as your moving, and this is a #1 pet peve of mine, i dont want to be running upwards holding upwards, and then the camera does a ZIP Fly move so now up is right? and i instinctively try to move right and now i’m moving up??! UGH! wow confusion.. Lets be retarded yay we are nintendo!…

None of this camera complaint would be complete without a small comment about how I feel this game has the worst portrayal of sense of depth ever! I can never jump on guys heads, and this is mostly becuase of the cameras straight up LEVEL view of you.. Okay its slightly angled, but never enough that i really know exactly where i’m jumping.. IT makes it tedious and dangerous and i find I just never want to do anythign but wiggle the remote controll to do the spin attack becuase jumping gets me killed becuase i miss their heads and get whacked. I also fall off alot of ledges becuase i’m looking ground level directly at my character and have no fucking clue if i’m walking at an angle, or lined up with the ledge i’m trying to jump on.. It’s just a hassle and it doesnt improve my experience with the game at all..

Another issue i’m having with the game is the insesent (nagging) barage of ….. dialog scenes? cut scenes? What do you call them.. EVERY Time you get a star.. you have to FLyyy back to the main screen, land.. stand up.. be prompted with a “YOU GOT A STAR! YOU ARE SO GREAT! only 100 more to go!”, possibly a little black star spewing some crap about how you’re doing well, and the galaxy maiden chick nodding at you or something, then of course the “DO YOU WANA SAVE?” screen.. cuz we cant have an auto save as soon as i leave the planet hell noo! That would be.. convienent! And i mean how the hell are we going to make the game play 15 hours if we dont have 8 1/2 hours waisted on seeing this sequence of events 100 times+ ?.. Its not just those.. Whenever i find a little guy who has mushrooms to sell me.. EVERY SINGLE TIME i gotta sit through “Umm bop yea yea i’m a singing gay star!! YEA YEAH!”… Follow more text.. Then i tell him I want to buy a shroom.. I wait for him to say some more boring dribble i’ve seen 45 times before.. Then he proceeds to tell me to feed him, which now i gotta sit and wait for 30 stars or whatever the price is, to fill him up.. Then he goes into his “I’m going to explode!!!” schpeal.. then FINALLY, i get my damn mushroom.. I just want to play a fucking game, not read shit 500 times over and over again.. It got to the point where I just didnt care about these guys anymore and never used them.. Gone are the good old days of zelda or some other game on the nes where you just walkd up and paid and walked out.. now everything has to have a cute little story and 40 lines of dialog to make you WASTE TIME! Again every single time you get a star.. do the swirl dance, flip hope, yahooo! I got a star! ta-da! okay so it only takes up about 5-7 seconds.. but you’re going to see 100 times if you try to get all the stars.. at least! and thats just 1 of the many many events.. These things annoy the shit out of me, probably more-so than the CONSTANT ‘zoom up of item you just moved’ in ALL The 3d zeldas.. I do not like being removed from the game play.. loading screens suck we hate them, and watching animations or cutscenes that have no real relevence on the story but to say “HEy you’re great! you got 1 more item, only 99 more to go” Have me thrashing the A button to try to skip them, but of course you cant..  Yawwn…

I was fine with boss fights up till a certain point.. I got to this stupid rock boss, i cant remember his name now, but you’ll know it if you’ve finished the game.. He throws these boulders at you and these black boulders turn into these bomb things you can grab and swing around..  I hate this mechanic with a passion. Becuase while i’m trying to swing it around, i move much slower, and if i move without swining it, they come and hit me in the face.. OH YEAH they hit OTHER Bombs and explode too.. So this boss throws two at a time.. And if you are good or lucky you can pick up two bombs at a time and swing them both and hit him 2 times and yay great and all, but in practice that isn’t going to happen quite as much as you blowing up the 2nd bomb with the 1st and being left WAITING For more bombs to be thrown at you.. This is a really frustrating situation becuase you are now at the mercy of when the BOSS Wants to let you damage him and less at when you are ready to do damage him.. I’m sure some of you will protest your greatness and how you can juggle 2 bombs with no problems and own this boss, i’m happy for you, congratulations your a ball juggler, i got a pair for you sometime.. But this mechanic sucks ass, and this was the sloppiest boss i’ve ever faced in a nintendo game thus far.. (nintendo made/endorsed that is).. So picture it this way, on top of grabbing that first bomb and being sure to spin your controll to keep it from slowing down and hitting you in the face, you have to watch where its swining, where you are walking, what the boss is doing and any other obstacles you might be needing to dodge.. this may not sound that bad, but in his 2nd form you do all this AND Get to dodge his constantly swiping/punching hands, oh yeah, and his hads block his sides now so your bombs hit those first, and they take about 3-4 shots to kill an arm, and they respawn rather quickly, ESPICALLY when you accidently blow up a bomb on another bomb and now have to wait for a new round of boulders to be thrown at you.. I just started to NOT car about if i beat the boss anymore.. Eventually i beat him on about my 3rd or 4th try, so its not impossible, but it is not ANYWHERE near being fun.. The first few bosses were okay, i had an amusing time playing them.. And thats why i play games to be amused.. not to be frustrated by shit-hole design. and thats what this boss is.. waaaaay to many idea’s and not even refinement. When i saw i had to try to be this boss in daredevil mode when the comit was around (that means i get 1 hitpoint) I said FUCK THIS, and died, and never went back… Sorry nintendo you just got sloppy.. This game is not rating any better than mario sunshine to me.. IT just.. isn’t..

But the worst thing about this game that just ticked me of.. was the godamn flight simulator controlls under water.. who’s FUCKING Bright idea was it to say “You know, *I* like these controls under water, so these are the controls we should make OTHERS USE!” What the fuck happened to options?!?!?! I must admit if there’s an option to change this somewhere i couldn’t find it..And i fucking grew sick and tired of pushing down only to go up, and when you turn around and swim at the camera, oh fuck that, everything is COMPLETELY Fucked, left is right, right is down, up is left.. or something, it jus gets utter rediculous at that point and i was just done. Completely done.. I’m glad i got the game at a discounted price at toy’s R us.. cuz i’m HUGELY let down with the game… Yes i am pissed off, I wanted to have fun.. I had fun with luigi’s mansion it wasn’t utterly frustrating and annoying becuase of shoddy design and bad camera controlls.. (granted thats a cube game). And this game was a little fun for the first 3-4 levels or planets or whatever the hell you call them, but it just started to not really hold my attention anymore..

 I wont lie, mario galaxy has a few redeming qualities.. we haven’t seen a mario running around this nice for quite a while, and its genuinely satisifying to jump into a star gate and jiggle the wii-mote and fire off, that was probablyt he most satisifying part of the game.. There was also some nice mini game mechanices in coorporated, I like how they handled the Bubble blowing game, that was pretty fun.. Graphics are colorful and cheery, and the framerate holds up pretty good. The game seems like it will be pretty large if you play through to get all the stars. And the music is orchestrated (or at least synthed very well) very nicely and sounds wonderful, I never grew too annoyed by the overly cheery songs and some of the slower spookier songs were well placed! Sound effects too were top notch, tho i dont like how like OVERLY happy and hyper mario is sounding as each game comes out.

 If you are an absolute ‘must play mario’ fan, you’ll probably enjoy it more than i did cuz you wont let little nagging shit get on your nerves as much as I did.. But i’m picky and with soooooo many games to choose from, i’m not going to torture myself playing mario JUST Becuase its mario.. That is stupid.. And if nintendo wants to keep screwing up their games.. (yes mario kart double dash SUCKED BALLS) then i wont buy them anymore.. They can make billions off little 10 year old kids.. i’ll give my money to sony or microsoft.. They make games I enjoy apparently nintendo does not any longer.

 I’m done with mario galaxy, I’m not going to bother investing anymore of my time into it, becuase I just dont feel any reward, I dont want to say “I beat it cuz i beat it!” and i really dont give a shit if the princess is saved cuz she’s gonna get captured again in 2 more years, the story isn’t keeping me going, and i DREAD the next boss battle now, its getting boring, and just frustrating me how crappy it feels to play, not ot mention its aggrivating me and putting me in a bad mood and i’m trying to avoid those types of games these days… I was excited and thought it would be great, but its just not… nintendo is loosing it’s touch.. and all those reviewers who give 9.0? WEll these are the same people who give ALL nintendo made games 9.0 , yet in later reviews they fault those same games.. Case in point? Super mario sunshine, yep! look on at ign’s website, you’ll see they give it a gleaming 9.4.. Thats pretty damn high, but the general consensus for that game is that isn’t quite a 9.0 game.. i think alot of people feel its around 8.0 ish or so.. There’s just too many people out there who kiss nintendo’s ass and rate EVERYTHING THEY DO as 9.5 or whatever.. Maybe its becuase they polish their art alot? Maybe its becuase those review sites get invited to nintendo’s parties, I can’t say. I just know the review rates seem to be a little higher then they should be sometimes.

In the end Mario galaxy is not a terrible game I just had some major issues personally which hampered my play experience and made it to a point where I just didnt want to continue. God of war did the same thing. I have plenty of other games i can be reviewing and next i’ll be moving onto Uncharted. Maybe one day i’ll go back and revisit mario galaxy, but I sincerely doubt it. I’m just too dissapointed.

And my verdict is.

7.0/10